A healthy ego is one that allows you to celebrate your self-worth without losing sight of the fact that others are important too. Being constantly insecure or desperate to establish your superiority is a sign that your ego is in need of some balance. An ego running unchecked and out of control can be damaging to your self esteem and sense of worth.
What is ego?
Ego means: I, self, or ones sense of self.
It’s the identity we craft to give ourselves significance. I.e. I’m Abi, the environmental scientist, girlfriend, daughter, etc.
In other words, who we believe we are. For example, if I say “I’m upset”, I’m really saying “my ego is upset”.
How do you know when it’s out of control?
Sometimes I write posts with my friends or family in mind and what they’ve asked me about, sometimes it’s just a topic I find interesting and want to talk about, but sometimes I write them for me. This post is one written for me and an area in which I’m struggling with at the moment. In sharing it I hope it’s also of value to someone else who might need it.
Here’s where I’m struggling. I’ve lost one of my identities – Abi the professional environmental scientist. I’m not working at the moment and I’m struggling. My ego is under serious attack.
Every time I catch up with friends, there’s the usual questions “how’s work going/how’s the job hunt going?”, meet new people “what do you do?” and my ego is exposed. I fumble around with an answer and as quickly as I can divert the conversation to something far more pleasant and easy.
Here’s a tip: Whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to others, feeling inadequate or even superior, your ego is revealed.
I’m spending a lot of time completing B School and working on creating my business. This should elate me but instead it’s making me feel like a fraud and question my capability to start my own business. When something’s not working in your life it’s very easy for everything else to follow, because you spend so much energy focusing on what’s wrong.
I hope by sharing my struggle I may be connecting with people out there who are going through something similar and they may not feel so alone. Is this you? But more than that I hope you join me on my path to bringing balance back to your ego.
1. Stop Complaining
Complaining locks us into the negative patterns. We are focusing our energy on the problem, and through the Law of Attraction, we are attracting more of this into our lives.
Complaints and worry only attract more of the same, so elevate your thoughts to attract what you desire. By focusing our energy on the great things we have and what we want more of in our lives, we allow more of that to enter our lives.
2. Focus on what you have and what you want
Be grateful for all you have. Keeping a gratitude diary is a great way to remind ourselves on everything wonderful in our lives. No matter how bad things get we still have so much to be thankful for.
You woke up this morning, not everyone did that. You have food to eat, even better. We live in a world full of beauty – be thankful for that.
The more helpless you feel, the more things you should identify to be grateful for.
And if you needed another push to get a daily dose of gratitude: Grateful people are happier and more successful.
Here’s my gratitude list to help get you started:
I am so grateful I have a partner who is so supportive of me; I’m grateful for the generosity of my parents; I’m grateful I have sisters who provide me with a great support network; I am grateful I have food in the fridge and a home to live in; I am grateful I live in a wonderful country with so many opportunities; I’m grateful to be alive.
3. Be Generous
The best way to feel abundant is to give. No one ever went poor from giving.
This is really hard when you’re feeling poor or lacking. Be generous with whatever you want more of. More money, give financially to those in need. More time? Give your time to helping others.
I’ve shared previously how much I’ve tied my identity to a dollar figure and whilst I know how damaging is, it’s so hard to shift. The ego thinks there’s not enough. It’s thrives on a lacking mentality.
We live in an abundant universe with unlimited resources. There’s always enough.
The earthquake in Nepal has devastated so many people, taking so many lives, displacing thousands and financially crippling millions. No matter how bad things get for me, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, access to clean water and I’m surrounded by friends and family. Whilst I don’t have a job I knew that the little I feel I have, is far more than many Nepalese have. So despite my fear-mongering ego telling me otherwise, I am in a position to donate financially to assist those with less than me. And I did donate, and do you know what? I felt happy and abundant, because I was able to assist (even just a little) with those that had less than me.
And if you can’t afford to give financially, consider other ways you can give to assist others. Can you give of your time to assist someone else? Volunteer at an animal shelter or nursing home? Can you donate goods or clothes to a family less fortunate? There’s always someone in need, and you have exactly the right skills to be of service to them.
Give generously with whatever it is you need more of.
4. Be Patient
If you try to rush things, you are bound to lose sight of the essentials and end up with a less than satisfactory outcome. Don’t overreact when things don’t go your way, and give an unfavorable situation enough time. You will be surprised at the results (and you may no longer feel angry or egoistic, after a point).
Patience is what I struggle with most. But sometimes you just have to throw your hands up and surrender to the universe. Trust that your are exactly where you need to be. Have patience to find out why.
These are 4 simple steps, but not always that simple to implement. Especially when you’re already feeling down.
When you do get side-tracked with self-doubt and pity, bring your awareness back to these four principles. Is there one you can implement straight away? Changing your attention will instantly give yourself a boost.
Practice these principles a little each day, and gradually it will become natural for you. I will be working with you too, as I look to bring a little balance to my ego.
Please share your tips and thoughts below.